July 31, 2010
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH UFC #1 CONTENDER CHAEL SONNEN
From an interview I conducted for FILES News magazine:
When I called down to Oregon with a list of questions for #1 UFC middleweight contender Chael Sonnen, I knew better than to expect run-of-the-mill answers. One of the most bombastic and unshamedly blunt fighters in the sport, Chael is known for saying anything that crosses his mind, and gleefully pushing the buttons of some of the most respected names in the fighting world.
Even with all that in mind, I was still unprepared for the jaw-dropping, vitriolic, obnoxious, hilarious, and occasionally bizarre responses that I received. Over the course of the interview Sonnen swung at anything that moved, leveling his twelve-gauge vocabulary at not just champion Anderson Silva, but also Hollywood celebrities, Silva's prior opponents, music industry superstars, fraudulent trash-talkers, and even me (and I'm supposed to be one of his friends)!
Read on for a no-holds-barred look into the mind of Chael Sonnen...but I have to warn you, if you're easily offended, a loyal Anderson Silva fan, or both, then you might want to consider turning the page right now.
Seriously.
PL: You were recently in Vancouver attending UFC 115, and also spent some time here during your tenure with bodogFIGHT. What are your impressions of Vancouver?
CS: I know that it's north of Los Angeles and south of Anchorage. Seriously, Vancouver is great. Between the food and the people, I can't think of a better place to spend a weekend. By "food" I mean "crepes", and by "people" I mean "Asian women".
PL: You've been a player on the international MMA scene for some time now, but you recently jumped to the front of the middleweight pack. One reason for that is the unprecedented display of aggression you put on against Nate Marquardt at UFC 109, which was a departure from the more methodical, controlling style that you used in previous fights. Was there a reason for the increase in intensity?
CS: I haven't "jumped" to the front of the middleweights, I clawed and crawled there over the bodies of the rest of those guys who are also clawing and crawling, like a savage, wounded animal. And as for the intensity, I've held back on every opponent I've ever faced.
PL: Lately, you've been a human quote machine, trash-talking the champion in interviews that would put most pro wrestlers to shame. Was it a conscious decision to emphasize the verbal game, or have you been doing this all along and people just weren't paying attention?
CS: My interview style now is the same that it's always been, I just didn't have an outlet before. I've always been in this for myself, and I have never liked the competition. I make no apologies for either. If you stick around long enough, people pay attention to you and to what you say. Then after you say what's on your mind, they start demanding that you say MORE things to fill the spaces in their minds/pages/computers where THEY used to have to think. So they ask for more. As a journalist, do you look inside yourself, and at your subject, and do you challenge yourself to find an angle, an idea, a concept that is interesting...and then research it, refine it, edit [it]...or do you just call Chael? Hmmm...what did YOU do, you lazy bastard? But I'm always happy to do my job, which apparently means doing YOURS, too. What worries me is that when I destroy Anderson, and I have to do even MORE interviews with more journalists, I [might] become a boring, self-referential blowhard like Bono or some other smirking 'celebrity' preaching about global warming or the oppression of Tibet or save the Narwhals or whatever, y'know?
PL: Um...okay...moving on to Silva...he has been destroying some of the best fighters in the world and making it look easy. What do you feel you bring to the Octagon that he hasn't had to deal with before?
CS: He has? He beat a math teacher, a one-legged Canadian, and a few guys who weren't good enough to hold their spots in the company. Who's he beat that's still on the roster? Anderson's flaw is no secret. It's in the bible: "Pride cometh before a fall; and a haughty spirit doth come before destruction." After the fight, Anderson will thank me for doing the Lord's work by destroying that flamboyant, showboating, reactive person inside of him. Remember my previous answer? Anderson's no different than Bono. He's aware of, and a prisoner of, everybody's expectations; so he prances and dances, and does his little jigs, like he used to do his Michael Jackson moondance replete with sparkly jacket and party-favour-quality fedora. He knows who he is. So do I. I have come to beat him, but also, perhaps more importantly, to save him from the gilded cage that everyone's expectations, and his reactions to them, have put him in. The grim, stark reality of losing a bloodbath will re-baptize him, make him a better man, truer to himself and his skills than the silly, ass-shaking fool he's morphed into, because his weak personality created that ass-shaking fool to satisfy everyone but himself. Years from now, when he and I are both retired, he will thank me. In perfect English.
PL: Are you undergoing any specifically-tailored training for the Silva fight, or is it business as usual?
CS: Nothing different, same strategy. I'm like good, old, strong booze. You KNOW what's in the bottle. You KNOW what it does. Handle it if you can. Or else order a sissy drink and go watch "Sex and the City" reruns with your fruity friends in the other room.
PL: While your victory over Marquardt was clear-cut, you appeared to be exhausted by the end of the third round. This has led some to doubt your ability to last the duration in a five-round title fight. Your response?
CS: I expend my energy when and how conditions dictate.
PL: While many fighters openly admit to trash-talking even when they've got nothing against their opponent, you appear to feel legitimate acrimony toward Silva. What is it about him that rubs you the wrong way?
CS: I'm not into [fake trash talk]. That's fraud, in my opinion. It's a huge slap in the face when two boxers meet up and we all pay to see it, then after the $49.95 snoozefest we all have to hear how they didn't mean it and it was "hype". Hype is fraud. I never said anything I didn't mean or anything I would take back. Anderson is a thug. He talks about "respect". Listen, "respect" is what gang-bangers use as an excuse for terrorizing a community. That's not me, and it's not welcome in MY division.
PL: Recently, footage of Silva training with cinematic action hero Steven Seagal has surfaced on the internet. Your thoughts on that?
CS: Smart. Anderson is going to need a job after I get him fired on August 7th. He should cozy up to anyone he thinks can get him paid. He'd make a great double for track star Carl Lewis. They're both the best at what they do, and both sponsored by nobody for the same reason. Seriously, though...STEVEN SEAGAL?!!! JESUS. Well, I've got my OWN celebrity action star to work with...the great MEL GIBSON! On Mondays we deny the Holocaust. On Tuesdays we drink, then we deny the Holocaust. Wednesdays we call our respective girlfriends and bellow insane, drunken threats into the phone. Thursdays we do charity work, visit children's hospitals, etc. Fridays off (except for social drinking and Holocaust-denying cocktail chatter). Saturday it's "racy-racy" time through the Hollywood hills in our matching Bugatti Veyrons. And Sunday is church (of course). Top THAT celebrity training regimen, Anderson! I bet you and Chubby aren't getting bombed more than twice a week! But at least you get to hear him play his guitar, which he does SO well...kinda.
PL: Silva has stated that he's also training with Strikeforce light-heavyweight champion "King" Mo Lawal, who's known for being an extremely talented wrestler. With your skill set also being based in wrestling, how well do you think Mo will be able to prepare Silva for you?
CS: Mo is my friend, has been for years [and he] hasn't touched Anderson Silva. Wouldn't bother me if he did...but he hasn't. Why the scuttling around to Mo, and Seagal, and God knows who else? Why the desperate, unending search for validation from others? WHAT'S MISSING, Anderson? You're the BEST in the WORLD. Did Sinatra go and take singing lessons from Tony Bennett (King Mo) or even more ludicrously, Sonny Bono (Steven Seagal)? NO. What are you searching for? Seriously, guy...stop looking for gurus. And treat [your manager] Ed Soares with more respect. Stop being a misbehaving, recalcitrant child, looking for every and any new toy. Be a...MAN. That's what you need, is people to make you a MAN. And apparently your friends, managers and training partners can not or will not do it. But I will.
PL: Silva has been quoted as saying that when the fight is over, he wants a kiss from you. Your response?
CS: He said that? Wow...I guess he'd make a better double for Carl Lewis than I thought.
PL: Final question, obviously you expect to become the new UFC middleweight champion on August 7th, but in a best-case scenario, how does this fight play out?
CS: Best case? Anderson accepts my offer and withdraws. If he leaves the UFC, issues the fans an apology, and erects a statue in my likeness that he worships daily, then I'll forget the whole thing. Otherwise...we are going to have a fight.
PL: Thanks for your time, Chael, and good luck on August 7th.
CS: Whatever.
July 06, 2010
BOUNCER TALES
BAS RUTTEN BOUNCER TALE
(Excerpted from an interview with FIGHT! magazine, although I'll be getting more stories from Bas firsthand in the future. Bear in mind this that this is written exactly as Bas told it, word-for-word, and the guy speaks four fucking languages so you gotta cut him some slack on any grammatical errors. Besides, if you've ever heard him talk, his accent and occasionally-broken English just make any story sound cooler anyway.)
I was asked to be a bouncer because I could talk, I was very good with people. When I worked, people would look at me funny because I had little round glasses, like John Lennon, that I would wear at the door. I didn't even need them, I have perfect vision, but it was good because people would go, "I don't wanna fight this dude, he wears glasses, and somebody who wears glasses as a bouncer, he's gotta be good, right?"
I had a buddy, and we would go into the bad places where guys would come in and do all kinds of shit. Kind of like "Roadhouse", you know? We would go in and take care of the problems.
One time we were working at this place, and a group came in and a really big guy I was working with, I think his name was Rob, said "Oh, there they are." He knew them and knew that they were gonna be trouble. They were looking at us as soon as they walked in, and then one guy from the group starts playing a slot machine and he starts yelling and shaking the thing. Of course we can't have that, so I look at Rob and I say, "Okay, I'll show you how to do this, how to handle this." But he says "No, I got it, don't worry."
So Rob goes over there and starts talking to the guy, and the guy just looks at him and laughs. Rob turns around, and while he's walking towards me, the guy already starts shaking the thing again. So I start going over there, and as I pass Rob I say "I'll show you how to do this." As soon as I get to the guy, I don't even say a word, I just grab the back of his head and slam his face against the slot machine as hard as I can. He falls down to the floor and then I tip the whole machine over and it dropped on him. And then there was no more problems in that place. In fact, we actually shook hands a few days later! (laughs)
One thing that helped me is that I knew everybody...Jack, Dave, whatever...so if there was a fight I could talk to them, I could say "Hey, guys, c'mon...could you leave it? Could you take it outside if you wanna fight? Or else I'll buy you a beer, and then you shake hands and everything is cool, because obviously you guys are fighting for nothing."
And if they say, "But he looked at my wife!", I'd say, "That's a compliment, you should be happy. Did he touch your wife? No. So that's okay, don't worry about it. If they look at your wife and they make a face and go 'UUUUGH', then that's not a compliment, but if they keep looking, that's good. If you're not up to that, and you got a beautiful wife, you shouldn't be going out always."
Nine of ten times when there was trouble, I fixed it with just talking, and shaking hands, and everything will be good.
I don't like to fight at all, it's very hard to pick a fight with me, but most of the time when I say "I don't wanna fight", they become more violent because they think I'm scared. And then when I realize that, something happens to me...maybe something comes back from when I was a kid, I don't know, but...yeah, I was in the newspapers a few times. Once for fighting a whole bunch of bouncers in Sweden.
It was a night off for me, and I went into a bar, a nice club, and the head doorman says to me, "Bas, keep it relaxed tonight". I knew that some of the guys in there knew me and didn't like me so much, so an alarm bell went off in my head when he said that. I should have turned around, I knew right away they were gonna pick a fight...and sure enough, they picked a fight.
I wasn't there for very long before a couple of the door guys took me to the side and said "You gotta leave because you're bothering the customers with your jumping around." I said "Okay, I'll leave, I don't want any trouble". I could tell from the way they reacted that they didn't expect that. So one of them pushed a finger in my chest. That's one thing I really don't like, you don't really wanna do this to me.
So I tell him "Listen, man, just don't touch me, okay?" And then this other bouncer, a big guy standing behind him, reaches over the first guy's shoulder and sticks his finger right in my eye. I grabbed my eye and said "Hey, man! I told you I don't want any trouble", and then POP!, he puts his finger straight in my other eye. So that was it, and so BOOF! I hit him with a right hand and he went down. Then I turned around, and there they were, six more bouncers just waiting for me.
It was a nightmare, because you know, you're fighting all these guys, and if you drop one of them, he just gets up again because you can't finish him off, you have to fight the other dudes too. It was getting really ugly, I was just punching anything that was in front of me, and I fell against the wall in a corner where there are a bunch of broomsticks leaning there...not brooms, just the sticks. So I grab a stick, but then I think, "I shouldn't do this, because if I grab one then all of them are gonna grab one". So I let it go...but then I heard the clattering sound of them all taking the sticks anyway! And I thought "SHIT! I should have taken a stick!" (laughs)
Now I got the sticks on my head, I got cuts everywhere, the white of my eyes is deep red, and I think "This is it, I'm finished." But all of a sudden, they step back, and I think "Cool...they're scared now. They see in my eyes that I really mean business". But then when I look around behind me, I see that the whole police force was standing there! That's why the bouncers step back...it wasn't cool at all! (laughs)
So then the cops throw ME in fricking jail! What happens is one of the bouncers was a cop, because in Sweden they need to have a cop at the front door, and obviously I hit that guy also when I was fighting with his friends.
After I was two days in jail, they allow me to make my first phone call, so I call my wife and I say "Honey, I got some good and some bad news. What do you wanna hear first?" She says "The good news", so I say "I didn't fuck around with any girls!". So she asks the bad news, and of course I gotta say "I'm in jail!". She goes crazy, yelling at me. "You think this is funny?" and stuff like that.
When I got my lawyer coming in, I ask "How long I'm gonna be here", and he says, "Well, minimum of six months". I say "Whoa, whoa, whoa...what are you saying? Six months? But they started it!" He says, "Yeah, but you hit a cop." So things do not look so good for me.
However, in jail, the guards were all fans of mine, so I have a TV, a VCR, I'm fucking playing cards with these guys! I had coffee, cookies...it was the best! Well, of course it's not the BEST...it's funny afterwards, you know? It's not funny at the time, trust me. If you think you got a half-year to go in that place, it's a very scary thing.
But eventually, the bouncers drew back the charges, and I don't press any charges so they let me go.
You can't turn back the clock, right? That's my saying. The only thing you can do is learn from stuff like this and hopefully you'll never make the mistake again. That's a line I try always to follow.
It didn't always work, though. (laughs)
December 02, 2009
BROCK LESNAR UPDATE
Promising news from The Wrestling Observer/Figure Four Online:
From those close to Lesnar, he’s getting motivated strongly to return. Nothing is 100% at this moment, but barring another health setback, he will return. I do know there is a target hoped for Lesnar vs. Shane Carwin on the Memorial Day weekend show in Las Vegas, but that’s just a timing guess. That could be a big one because if Quinton Jackson is to fight Rashad Evans, that would seem to be the show it would be on. There is nothing definitive on Jackson at this point.
